Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
