Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
love makes seman taste better
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
