I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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