apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
