Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
