After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
