I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
