well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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