When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
