I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
