some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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