he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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