To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
