I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
