He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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