i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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