pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
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I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
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I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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