they need to just BURY HIM!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
