Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I believe in your delicious
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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