10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
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Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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