is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
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So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
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You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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