Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
