Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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