Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
