If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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