Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
