I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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