Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
