Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
