so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
