Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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