we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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