I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
