Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
