No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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