the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
