...so i touched it.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
