a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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