He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
