There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
