i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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