I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
