I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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