I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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