the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize