I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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