Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
