Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
