Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
