Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
