Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
