Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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