dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Please, let me fuck your mom
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
