YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
