I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
