Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
