I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
