Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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