Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
