I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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