Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
